the elephant in the room
when i first started sand is overrated, i didn't really know what i wanted it to become. and so i was proud when it evolved into an outlet for me to explore the many ways that music connects with my life. it became an online diary of sorts, and often times topics became a lot more intimate than i ever thought i would be comfortable sharing with strangers. my connection with music always felt so intensely personal, but i guess it became easier to share as i learned how experiences are almost always universal.
and then i disappeared. at first it was just busy-ness, as a long journey had culminated and led to the start of a new adventure. i never felt too badly about going silent here, as i felt that i had left it in a good place, a happy ending of sorts. it was the last word for two full years before i resurfaced, seemingly out of the blue, last august. after such a long time away, coming back was something that i felt necessary because my story had become painfully unfinished. i did what i could to distance myself from where i had left off, even splitting my favorite albums list into ten individual posts to push it off the previous posts list on the front page. i've so far only alluded to my reasons for returning, but, keeping with the spirit of what sand is overrated had become to me, i knew that eventually i would need to face it head on.
so here it is: today i am officially divorced. it's been an unquestionably difficult period of life, and, as can be gathered from many of my posts since returning, one that has renewed and strengthened my personal connection to a lot of the music around me. it has been an experience that i wouldn't wish even on my worst enemy, and one that i obviously hope never happens again. but today marks the day that this period is officially over. i have survived, i hope i have learned from mistakes, and now it is time to really start moving forward again. i still know what i'm looking for, and still desire what i always have. nothing has changed for me in that respect, and for that i am thankful.
having said all that, i still don't know what my intentions are for sand is overrated moving forward. sharing an experience like this--even to such a vague degree--is incredibly difficult and wholly contrary to my own instincts, and maintaining such a high level of intimacy is in some ways exhausting and undesirable. much like my effort to create some distance from july 2009, i would be happy to quickly bury this post as well. but i do feel like there is some value to staying true to my original intent, and to not hiding from the difficult times. after all, i know i'm not the first person to walk down this road. with releases from my two favorite artists (m. ward and sigur rós) in the next few months, creating some distance hopefully won't be too difficult to do. after that, well, i guess the only thing to do is to keep living and see what happens.
the shins : "it's only life"
from the lp port of morrow (columbia records, 2012)
dyed in the wool, you've been cornered by a natural desire you want to hop along with the giddy throng through life but how will you learn to steer when you're grinding all your gears? you've been talking for hours you say "time will wash every tower to the sea" and now you've got this worry in your heart well i guess it's only life, it's only natural we all spend a little while going down the rabbit hole the things they taught you, they're lining up to haunt you they've got your back against the wall i call you on the telephone, won't you pick up the receiver? i've been down the very road you're walking now it doesn't have to be so dark and lonesome it takes a while but we can figure this thing out and turn it back around you used to be such a lion before you got into all this crying on my lap back when you thought i'd never get this far but did you really think i'd shut an open door the future's calling and i'm gonna answer her the wheel's in motion, i never drank your potion and i know it breaks your heart open up your parachute, something's got to stop the free-fall i've been down the very road you're walking now it doesn't have to be so dark and lonesome it takes a while but we can figure this thing out and turn it back around
Labels: the shins