sand is overrated

all songs posted are for evaluation only. if you hear something you like and would like to hear more, please go ahead and support the artists by buying their music--i will always include links for you to do so. copyright holders: if anything on my site needs to be taken down, please email me and it will be removed immediately.

Friday, July 10, 2009

yes

david gray : "be mine"
from the lp a new day at midnight (ato records, 2002)

from the very first moment i saw you that's when i knew
all the dreams i held in my heart had suddenly come true
knocked me over stone cold sober not a thing i could say or do
baby when i'm walking with you now my eyes are so wide
like you reached right into my head and turned on the light inside
turned on all the lights inside my mind

come on baby it's alright
sunday, monday, day or night
red or blue or white it's plain to see
be mine, be mine
raining shining, night or day
what's the difference anyway
honey till your heart belongs to me

if i had some influence girl with the powers that be
i'd have them fire that arrow at you like they fired it right at me
maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see
that every time i'm talking with you it's always over too soon
and every day feels so incomplete 'till you walk into the room
say the word and i'll bloom- i'll jump that moon, yeah

come on baby it's ok
raining shining, night or day
there's nothing in the way now don't you see
be mine, be mine
winter, summer, day or night
centigrade or fahrenheit
baby till your heart belongs to me
be mine, be mine
thursday, friday, short or long
when you got a love so strong
how can it be wrong now mercy me
be mine, be mine
jumping jesus, holy cow
what's the difference anyhow
baby till your heart belongs to me

my body's on fire, now my heart is on fire, now my body's on fire, now my world is on fire, now my heart is on fire, am i losing my sanity ...

Thursday, July 09, 2009

sun setting, sun rising

from the beginning, i've always intended for sand is overrated to represent the ways in which music integrated with moments in my own life. without a doubt, the most profound and most frequent examples of this confluence has always been with matters of the heart, and the last five years of my life have been full of those moments. in hindsight, starting sand is overrated was something of a necessity--to document my experiences and my reactions to and reflections on those experiences. looking back on those posts reads like a retrospective of a journey that i am thankful for having traveled, but have absolutely no desire to repeat. thankfully, it seems that the sun is close to setting on my journey, but it has led me home, and home is where i want to stay.

prelude
it all began two years before i started sand is overrated.

[september 6, 2006]
bright eyes : "landlocked blues"


every so often--once every couple years i'd say--an album comes out that represents everything i love about music. it may not necessarily be the best album, nor even a great album, but it strikes a chord in me in just such a way that it is perfect to me. one of last year's releases by
bright eyes, i'm wide awake, it's morning, was one of those albums for me.

in many ways, october 2004 to may 2005 was one of the most difficult times of my life. it saw the end of a long relationship that for many years was everything to me. as a result of that i moved...twice. five years after finishing my undergraduate education, i returned to school as a graduate student, somehow voluntarily thrusting myself back into the stress, busy-ness, and misery of the school environment. i was unhappy for so long, and yet it was never something i wanted any of my new classmates to see. holding everything inside has a way of making you feel lonely, as if this sort of forced reticence was because i didn't think anyone else would understand. in hindsight it's easy to see that that couldn't have been true, but during those moments of bleakness and solitude, reason was not a friend of mine.

and such was the state i was in when, in january 2005, i picked up i'm wide awake, it's morning. i found myself in it from the very first listen--lyrically, topically, musically. in a year of life, love, and loss, it hit me where it counts and never seemed to let go. "landlocked blues" seemed a perfect description of the desperation and hopelessness i felt about the disintegration of the relationship i had just left. i can't count the number of times i listened to "at the bottom of everything" to help remind myself of the true gravity of certain circumstances, to help me put things into their proper perspective. and in "first day of my life" i found a love song that reminded me of what it was i was looking for. and that's not even to mention "lua", a song so starkly beautiful and destructive that it makes you want to become a crack head so that maybe, just maybe, you could find a moment of such pure genius. in the end, i'm wide awake it's morning helped me to realize that the things i was going through were nothing new, that trials and tribulations are part and parcel with the experiences of life. and even if it didn't necessarily cause me to feel comfortable in sharing them with the world (i think it was just a matter of time), simply knowing that i was never really alone was enough to help me sleep at night.


trying not to care
valentine's day of 2007 found me still on the search for what i was looking for, and even a little confused as to what that was. my frustration with the process of dating manifested itself in a cynicism for a holiday that felt manufactured and fake. it was a legitimate cynicism, but all the same i knew how differently i'd feel about the day if i had someone special to share it with.

[february 13, 2007]
just because valentine's day isn't until tomorrow is no reason for me to wait to post a song like (the postal service : "brand new colony") today. and it's no reason for you not to adore your valentine today. and tomorrow. and the next day.

[february 14, 2007]
"today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies. to make people feel like crap."

[february 15, 2007]
today is february 15th. today is not valentine's day either. but (r.e.m. : "be mine") is still one of the most romantic sentiments i've ever read. you should listen to it. and share it. just because.


hope
it wasn't long after that valentine's day that i found myself in a relationship that i really wanted to believe was what i was looking for. but as much as i wanted to be done with my search...

[march 28, 2007]
eels : "losing streak"
meetin' every day with the rising sun
lookin' up, it's looking like
my losing streak is done

preparing to fall apart

...and as much as i wanted to hold on in the face of an impending trans-pacific relocation...

[july 18, 2007]
it's been hard at times to be happy in the face of this impending distance, but never for a moment have i not wanted everything to freeze.

[july 26, 2007]
maybe it's these past few weeks that seem to pass so unmercifully, drawing us ever closer to the day that seems impossible to survive.

[july 27, 2007]
maybe it's the night before she leaves, and all i want is for the darkness not to fade, knowing that sunrise means she has to leave. i wish she could stay. i wish...

[august 3, 2007]
"i need you so much closer"


falling apart
...in the end, it was more than the distance that spelled the end. the cracks that had shown previously had been attributed to the stress of the impending situation, and disregarded in my desire not to have to resume that search again. but they were there, and eventually i came to terms with the truth, with the end, and with having to start over. again.

[october 25, 2007]
my life has been full of uncertainty lately, which makes it difficult to write anything down in here. every time i feel inspired enough to begin writing a post, winds shift if not just slightly and circumstances change. i leave my thoughts unfinished and when i return later on my sentiments are no longer current.

[november 20, 2007]
okkervil river : "yellow"
and all of these things, well, i truly believe them
our paths and our futures are hidden in mists
that are stretching out over impossible distances
totally obscured

and i really do think that there’s probably more good
than anger or selfishness, sickness, or sadness
would ever completely allow us to have in this life
i think i’m sure

false starts

i spent the next year trying to put pieces back together, but found my progress hindered by a series of false starts involving pieces that at times aroused a hint of excitement, but in the end just didn't quite fit.

november 28, 2007
today it occurred to me that the course of dating is really very much like the verse-chorus-verse structure of many contemporary songs. the verses always start out the same--boy meets girl--and always end the same--boy is alone. as with any good song, the middle of each verse is some kind of variation on a common theme, but each is characterized in its own way with a distinctive wrinkle here and a specific memory there. but the chorus is always the same, and for me it's always been pretty well represented by "a lack of color".

december 31, 2007
on a personal note, most of 2007 was a great time for me until i kind of staggered towards the finish line these past few months.

february 14, 2008
i'm also excited because meiko is playing a show at the gypsy den tomorrow, and hoping some of those romantic notions are contagious...

march 31, 2008
before the calendar fades to april i wanted to discreetly recognize the particularly good friday (not that kind) i had last week.


drifting
by mid-2008, my frustration was again palpable. this time, though, it led to two of my favorite posts, in each of which i caught myself in an over-romanticized reminiscence of the past.

april 26, 2008
frightened rabbit : "backwards walk"

it's seemingly never easy to walk away, especially when you have nowhere else to go. surely there were irreconcilable differences, insurmountable challenges, unresolvable difficulties--there was, after all, a good reason why you started to walk away in the first place. so why is it that the good memories are the ones that always seem to come first to mind? why is that sentimentality seems to invade even the unpleasant memories? why is it that it's so fucking hard to walk away? you know that it's not the right place for you to be. you are aware of how your judgment is impaired by loneliness. and yet, you're still knee-deep in it. but walking away doesn't mean you'll never have nowhere else to go. be brave...walk away...someone is waiting for you.

september 2, 2008
okkervil river : "lost coastlines"


and then i reached the moment when everything went to shit--when i sailed out on a journey away from the most stable and supportive relationship i've ever been in. those old emails made fresh a surge of memories full of pain, uncertainty, hope, fear. i was leaving what wasn't menacingly wrong to try to find something that was unequivocally right, all the while unsure that what i was looking for actually existed.
four years later and i'm still at sea. there have been towns in which i have stopped along the way, but i always end up here, in the same place. there's places that i've quietly slipped away from in the middle of the night; places that i've not been invited to stay; and places where i've been ungraciously left behind. it's all the same, really. without any maps to guide, i'm left to find my way by trial and error, knowing only the destination i seek, and sometimes the tribulations threaten to swallow me up completely. but it's a journey that i know is worth making, to find that star that's high and far in some other sky, and sometimes i know that all i can do is just sing, la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la la...


sun setting
little did i know, my life was about to change in a big, big way. it started out subtly, with a few hints of what lay ahead. and then, in one long, incredible night, everything began to change.

november 11, 2008
maybe this beauty is always there, just not always looking for us. or maybe we need to open our eyes a little wider. whatever it is, i'm still feeling pretty good...

november 14, 2008
bright eyes : "first day of my life"
you said everything changed
you felt as if you'd just woke up


and then i realized what i had found. and because i also realized that she saw the same things in me, just about every moment since then has been amazing.

december 7, 2008
the jesus & mary chain : "feeling lucky"
feeling lucky, i've been feeling lucky
i've got someone who knows me
and she still wants to hold me

december 31, 2008
regina spektor : "my dear acquaintance (a happy new year)"
my dear acquaintance
it's so good to know you
for strength of your hand
that is loving and giving

january 16, 2009
the walkmen : "in the new year"

i know that it's true, it's gonna be a good year
out of the darkness and into the fire
i tell you i love you, and my heart's in the strangest place
that's how it started, and that's how it ends

february 3, 2009
the surfer--alone, cold, and missing wave after wave--perseveres, getting back up after each and every failure. he jumps on each wave with courage, with purpose, with hope. and finally--finally, he finds the one that makes everything better and makes nothing else matter. the wave is perfect, the ride is smooth, and the sun comes out.

february 8, 2009
u2 : "i still haven't found what i'm looking for"
i share this now because of how starkly these feelings and this song title contrast with my current state of mind, and provides a nice precursor to what is coming at the end of this week. i finally found what i was looking for...

february 13, 2009
two years ago, as i wrote those earlier posts, i was in the middle of that journey, frustrated and growing cynical. my change of heart from then to now, of course, can be directly attributed to the fact that i never lost my resolve to try, to risk my heart. and when we were both in places in our lives when we were ready for each other, she finally came and changed me back.

mint royale : "don't falter"
i used to feel so sad
and think too slow and drink too fast
life had me blue and black
till someone came and changed me back

now you see life
these colors shimmering around you
you must decide
to risk your heart for love to find you

february 14, 2009
death cab for cutie : "i will follow you into the dark"
if there's no one beside you
when your soul embarks
then i'll follow you into the dark

february 15, 2009
ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong : "the nearness of you"
i need no soft lights to enchant me
if you'll only grant me the right
to hold you ever so tight
and to feel in the night the nearness of you

sun rising
all of this has led me to this point, this night, and one question. one question that i have waited so long to ask. one question that i already know the answer to, but can't wait to ask anyway..............

eels : "beginner's luck" .
from the lp hombre lobo (vagrant records, 2009)

all my life i had this funny little feeling
it came and went time and again with all my daily demons
call it a deficit, an emptiness inside
why is true love hard to find, why does true love hide?

but now i found you and i know that we will be
so very happy, if you could only see
that i was made for you
and you were made for me

the road in front of us is long and it is wide
we've got beginner's luck, we've got it on our side
if you are willing, well, i think i'm qualified
and with beginner's luck we've gotta take the ride

i've got a plan, you know, i've got it all worked out
and all you've got to do is pack your bags and check your doubts
well, come around and you will see just what i am -
a true love through the worst of times, a true love til the end

so now you've found me and you only gotta see
how complementary we can really be
cause i was made for you
and you were made for me

the road in front of us is long and it is wide
we've got beginner's luck, we've got it on our side
we will be stronger if our forces are allied
and with beginner's luck we've gotta take the ride

we'll take the ride as far as anyone can go
we'll brave it all, yeah, hand-in-hand and toe-to-toe
i've got it all worked out, don't worry 'bout a thing
just give your hand to me - and here, put on this ring

the road in front of us is long and it is wide
we've got beginner's luck, we've got it on our side
if you are willing, well, i think i'm qualified
and with beginner's luck we've gotta take the ride

all songs posted are for evaluation only. if you hear something you like and would like to hear more, please go ahead and support the artists by buying their music--i will always include links for you to do so. copyright holders: if anything on my site needs to be taken down, please email me and it will be removed immediately.

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