name:
tad location:
orange county
california
i love music. i love the connections that are forged between the artist and the listener, as if the song was written only for me, at one exact moment of my life. music helps me to identify emotions and thoughts within myself, and this is my spot on the internets to share the experiences i have when art/life imitates life/art.
view my complete profile why i do this
all songs posted are for evaluation only. if you hear something you like and would like to hear more, please go ahead and support the artists by buying their music--i will always include links for you to do so. copyright holders: if anything on my site needs to be taken down, please email me and it will be removed immediately.
from the very first moment i saw you that's when i knew all the dreams i held in my heart had suddenly come true knocked me over stone cold sober not a thing i could say or do baby when i'm walking with you now my eyes are so wide like you reached right into my head and turned on the light inside turned on all the lights inside my mind
come on baby it's alright sunday, monday, day or night red or blue or white it's plain to see be mine, be mine raining shining, night or day what's the difference anyway honey till your heart belongs to me
if i had some influence girl with the powers that be i'd have them fire that arrow at you like they fired it right at me maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see that every time i'm talking with you it's always over too soon and every day feels so incomplete 'till you walk into the room say the word and i'll bloom- i'll jump that moon, yeah
come on baby it's ok raining shining, night or day there's nothing in the way now don't you see be mine, be mine winter, summer, day or night centigrade or fahrenheit baby till your heart belongs to me be mine, be mine thursday, friday, short or long when you got a love so strong how can it be wrong now mercy me be mine, be mine jumping jesus, holy cow what's the difference anyhow baby till your heart belongs to me
my body's on fire, now my heart is on fire, now my body's on fire, now my world is on fire, now my heart is on fire, am i losing my sanity ...
from the beginning, i've always intended for sand is overrated to represent the ways in which music integrated with moments in my own life. without a doubt, the most profound and most frequent examples of this confluence has always been with matters of the heart, and the last five years of my life have been full of those moments. in hindsight, starting sand is overrated was something of a necessity--to document my experiences and my reactions to and reflections on those experiences. looking back on those posts reads like a retrospective of a journey that i am thankful for having traveled, but have absolutely no desire to repeat. thankfully, it seems that the sun is close to setting on my journey, but it has led me home, and home is where i want to stay.
prelude it all began two years before i started sand is overrated.
every so often--once every couple years i'd say--an album comes out that represents everything i love about music. it may not necessarily be the best album, nor even a great album, but it strikes a chord in me in just such a way that it is perfect to me. one of last year's releases by bright eyes, i'm wide awake, it's morning, was one of those albums for me.
in many ways, october 2004 to may 2005 was one of the most difficult times of my life. it saw the end of a long relationship that for many years was everything to me. as a result of that i moved...twice. five years after finishing my undergraduate education, i returned to school as a graduate student, somehow voluntarily thrusting myself back into the stress, busy-ness, and misery of the school environment. i was unhappy for so long, and yet it was never something i wanted any of my new classmates to see. holding everything inside has a way of making you feel lonely, as if this sort of forced reticence was because i didn't think anyone else would understand. in hindsight it's easy to see that that couldn't have been true, but during those moments of bleakness and solitude, reason was not a friend of mine.
and such was the state i was in when, in january 2005, i picked up i'm wide awake, it's morning. i found myself in it from the very first listen--lyrically, topically, musically. in a year of life, love, and loss, it hit me where it counts and never seemed to let go. "landlocked blues" seemed a perfect description of the desperation and hopelessness i felt about the disintegration of the relationship i had just left. i can't count the number of times i listened to "at the bottom of everything" to help remind myself of the true gravity of certain circumstances, to help me put things into their proper perspective. and in "first day of my life" i found a love song that reminded me of what it was i was looking for. and that's not even to mention "lua", a song so starkly beautiful and destructive that it makes you want to become a crack head so that maybe, just maybe, you could find a moment of such pure genius. in the end, i'm wide awake it's morning helped me to realize that the things i was going through were nothing new, that trials and tribulations are part and parcel with the experiences of life. and even if it didn't necessarily cause me to feel comfortable in sharing them with the world (i think it was just a matter of time), simply knowing that i was never really alone was enough to help me sleep at night.
trying not to care valentine's day of 2007 found me still on the search for what i was looking for, and even a little confused as to what that was. my frustration with the process of dating manifested itself in a cynicism for a holiday that felt manufactured and fake. it was a legitimate cynicism, but all the same i knew how differently i'd feel about the day if i had someone special to share it with.
[february 13, 2007] just because valentine's day isn't until tomorrow is no reason for me to wait to post a song like (the postal service : "brand new colony") today. and it's no reason for you not to adore your valentine today. and tomorrow. and the next day.
[february 14, 2007] "today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies. to make people feel like crap."
[february 15, 2007] today is february 15th. today is not valentine's day either. but (r.e.m. : "be mine") is still one of the most romantic sentiments i've ever read. you should listen to it. and share it. just because.
hope it wasn't long after that valentine's day that i found myself in a relationship that i really wanted to believe was what i was looking for. but as much as i wanted to be done with my search...
meetin' every day with the rising sun lookin' up, it's looking like my losing streak is done
preparing to fall apart ...and as much as i wanted to hold on in the face of an impending trans-pacific relocation...
[july 18, 2007] it's been hard at times to be happy in the face of this impending distance, but never for a moment have i not wanted everything to freeze.
[july 26, 2007] maybe it's these past few weeks that seem to pass so unmercifully, drawing us ever closer to the day that seems impossible to survive.
[july 27, 2007] maybe it's the night before she leaves, and all i want is for the darkness not to fade, knowing that sunrise means she has to leave. i wish she could stay. i wish...
falling apart ...in the end, it was more than the distance that spelled the end. the cracks that had shown previously had been attributed to the stress of the impending situation, and disregarded in my desire not to have to resume that search again. but they were there, and eventually i came to terms with the truth, with the end, and with having to start over. again.
[october 25, 2007] my life has been full of uncertainty lately, which makes it difficult to write anything down in here. every time i feel inspired enough to begin writing a post, winds shift if not just slightly and circumstances change. i leave my thoughts unfinished and when i return later on my sentiments are no longer current.
and all of these things, well, i truly believe them our paths and our futures are hidden in mists that are stretching out over impossible distances totally obscured
and i really do think that there’s probably more good than anger or selfishness, sickness, or sadness would ever completely allow us to have in this life i think i’m sure
false starts i spent the next year trying to put pieces back together, but found my progress hindered by a series of false starts involving pieces that at times aroused a hint of excitement, but in the end just didn't quite fit.
november 28, 2007 today it occurred to me that the course of dating is really very much like the verse-chorus-verse structure of many contemporary songs. the verses always start out the same--boy meets girl--and always end the same--boy is alone. as with any good song, the middle of each verse is some kind of variation on a common theme, but each is characterized in its own way with a distinctive wrinkle here and a specific memory there. but the chorus is always the same, and for me it's always been pretty well represented by "a lack of color".
december 31, 2007 on a personal note, most of 2007 was a great time for me until i kind of staggered towards the finish line these past few months.
february 14, 2008 i'm also excited because meiko is playing a show at the gypsy den tomorrow, and hoping some of those romantic notions are contagious...
march 31, 2008 before the calendar fades to april i wanted to discreetly recognize the particularly good friday (not that kind) i had last week.
drifting by mid-2008, my frustration was again palpable. this time, though, it led to two of my favorite posts, in each of which i caught myself in an over-romanticized reminiscence of the past.
it's seemingly never easy to walk away, especially when you have nowhere else to go. surely there were irreconcilable differences, insurmountable challenges, unresolvable difficulties--there was, after all, a good reason why you started to walk away in the first place. so why is it that the good memories are the ones that always seem to come first to mind? why is that sentimentality seems to invade even the unpleasant memories? why is it that it's so fucking hard to walk away? you know that it's not the right place for you to be. you are aware of how your judgment is impaired by loneliness. and yet, you're still knee-deep in it. but walking away doesn't mean you'll never have nowhere else to go. be brave...walk away...someone is waiting for you.
and then i reached the moment when everything went to shit--when i sailed out on a journey away from the most stable and supportive relationship i've ever been in. those old emails made fresh a surge of memories full of pain, uncertainty, hope, fear. i was leaving what wasn't menacingly wrong to try to find something that was unequivocally right, all the while unsure that what i was looking for actually existed.four years later and i'm still at sea. there have been towns in which i have stopped along the way, but i always end up here, in the same place. there's places that i've quietly slipped away from in the middle of the night; places that i've not been invited to stay; and places where i've been ungraciously left behind. it's all the same, really. without any maps to guide, i'm left to find my way by trial and error, knowing only the destination i seek, and sometimes the tribulations threaten to swallow me up completely. but it's a journey that i know is worth making, to find that star that's high and far in some other sky, and sometimes i know that all i can do is just sing, la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la la...
sun setting little did i know, my life was about to change in a big, big way. it started out subtly, with a few hints of what lay ahead. and then, in one long, incredible night, everything began to change.
november 11, 2008 maybe this beauty is always there, just not always looking for us. or maybe we need to open our eyes a little wider. whatever it is, i'm still feeling pretty good...
you said everything changed you felt as if you'd just woke up
and then i realized what i had found. and because i also realized that she saw the same things in me, just about every moment since then has been amazing.
i know that it's true, it's gonna be a good year out of the darkness and into the fire i tell you i love you, and my heart's in the strangest place that's how it started, and that's how it ends
february 3, 2009 the surfer--alone, cold, and missing wave after wave--perseveres, getting back up after each and every failure. he jumps on each wave with courage, with purpose, with hope. and finally--finally, he finds the one that makes everything better and makes nothing else matter. the wave is perfect, the ride is smooth, and the sun comes out.
february 8, 2009 u2 : "i still haven't found what i'm looking for" i share this now because of how starkly these feelings and this song title contrast with my current state of mind, and provides a nice precursor to what is coming at the end of this week. i finally found what i was looking for...
february 13, 2009 two years ago, as i wrote those earlier posts, i was in the middle of that journey, frustrated and growing cynical. my change of heart from then to now, of course, can be directly attributed to the fact that i never lost my resolve to try, to risk my heart. and when we were both in places in our lives when we were ready for each other, she finally came and changed me back.
mint royale : "don't falter"
i used to feel so sad and think too slow and drink too fast life had me blue and black till someone came and changed me back
now you see life these colors shimmering around you you must decide to risk your heart for love to find you
february 14, 2009 death cab for cutie : "i will follow you into the dark"
if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks then i'll follow you into the dark
february 15, 2009 ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong : "the nearness of you"
i need no soft lights to enchant me if you'll only grant me the right to hold you ever so tight and to feel in the night the nearness of you
sun rising all of this has led me to this point, this night, and one question. one question that i have waited so long to ask. one question that i already know the answer to, but can't wait to ask anyway..............
eels : "beginner's luck" . from the lp hombre lobo (vagrant records, 2009)
all my life i had this funny little feeling it came and went time and again with all my daily demons call it a deficit, an emptiness inside why is true love hard to find, why does true love hide?
but now i found you and i know that we will be so very happy, if you could only see that i was made for you and you were made for me
the road in front of us is long and it is wide we've got beginner's luck, we've got it on our side if you are willing, well, i think i'm qualified and with beginner's luck we've gotta take the ride
i've got a plan, you know, i've got it all worked out and all you've got to do is pack your bags and check your doubts well, come around and you will see just what i am - a true love through the worst of times, a true love til the end
so now you've found me and you only gotta see how complementary we can really be cause i was made for you and you were made for me
the road in front of us is long and it is wide we've got beginner's luck, we've got it on our side we will be stronger if our forces are allied and with beginner's luck we've gotta take the ride
we'll take the ride as far as anyone can go we'll brave it all, yeah, hand-in-hand and toe-to-toe i've got it all worked out, don't worry 'bout a thing just give your hand to me - and here, put on this ring
the road in front of us is long and it is wide we've got beginner's luck, we've got it on our side if you are willing, well, i think i'm qualified and with beginner's luck we've gotta take the ride
this is getting ridiculous how rarely i have time to post these days. since my last post, my 5 year journey through grad school finally concluded in fine fashion. and yet, still--no time. it seems i say this every time now, but hopefully soon things will change and i'll get back on track.
in the meantime, metric's latest played an integral role in maintaining my sanity over the last few months. as the burdens of finishing school weighed heavier and heavier, getting lost in fantasies was a huge relief. catchy guitar riffs, driving percussion, and emily haines' sweet but wicked vocals--it's the record that rilo kiley should have made.
metric : "stadium love" from the lp fantasies (redeye, 2009)
i am still here... that last post was supposed to have been done about two weeks ago, and the fact that i didn't get around to publishing it until now--and yet it's still so short--is an indication of how busy and preoccupied i've been. and i've got a few more weeks of this at least. i've been spending a lot of time wrapping up a dissertation and needing to focus a lot more than usual, so the bulk of my listening lately has been instrumental or nearly so. it was thus a nice bit of timing when tristen at filter magazine sent me the new lp by the crystal method, divided by night. though many of the songs don't fit my instrumental criteria for study listening, enough of them do, and the rest of the album is full of the big beats and driving rhythms that are the hallmark of the crystal method and somehow conducive to heightening concentration. despite the many great guest vocals to be found (matisyahu, emily haines, meiko, lmfao), my favorite selection so far is "smile?", an instrumental piece that floats along over competing synth hooks that are alternatingly playful and menacing, playful and menacing, until confusion reigns and the title becomes punctuated with uncertainty.
heavy rotation -- "the hazards of love 4 (the drowned)"
the hazards of love as a rock opera? i love it. i really do. what more could you ask for from an album? it's ambition on an epic scale, dramatic in its fairy tale story, interesting if not a little cliched, and oh so characteristically melodic for a colin meloy composition. highly looking forward to seeing it performed live in a few weeks.
as opposed to my wavering attitude about it's blitz!, neko case's middle cyclone is an album that i love through and through. that voice...neko case's voice is simply breathtaking, and made all the more sumptuous by deliciously articulate lyrics that put the depths of her vocal agility on full display.
for the fifth consecutive year, my month of may will be consumed by studying for/preparing for/dreading an important event. this time it's another exam, but this may should be the most fulfilling yet, as at the end of this self-torture i will have earned three additional letters after my name. things have already gotten hairy trying to put a dissertation together, which means that my last post on here was several weeks ago. and it's only going to get worse. before it gets completely out of control, though, hopefully i can mention a few songs over the next week or so that have been in heavy rotation on my recent playlists.
first up is "skeletons", by yeah yeah yeahs. it's blitz! finds the band in unfamiliar sonic territory, as nick zinner's guitar has mostly been replaced by keyboards. i'm still not sure how i feel about that--the new album sounds good for the most part, but i can't help but think of rilo kiley's disappointing 2007 effort, under the blacklight, when i hear songs like "dragon queen".
on the other hand, "skeletons" is to these ears the best song yeah yeah yeahs have ever recorded, demonstrating that the new sound can work. the song slowly builds on synths, drums, and karen o's voice, which though uncharacteristically restrained, is as expressive as ever. the increasing tension creates a crescendo that practically begs for an epic climax of splintering guitars and karen o yelps. but it never occurs, instead opting to slowly back away from the edge of the cliff. and yet it's somehow immensely satisfying. and, oh, that album cover ain't bad either.
add another notch to the bedpost for camera obscura--yet another song that i love. whereas it was a fluttering piano line that buoyed "my maudlin career", it's a fluttering violin riff that dances around tracyanne campbell's sorrowful vocals in "french navy". i don't know--could be a repeat of 2006...m. ward, look out!
as much as i love m. ward and hold time (still my favorite album of 2009...only nine months to go!), i know that the forthcoming release by camera obscura will vie heavily for my attention as well. at least, if 2006 is any indication. that year, it seemed like every third post on sand is overrated was about m. ward and post-war, but in the end, let's get out of this country was my favorite album of the year. camera obscura have simply yet to write a song that i don't like, and the title track off my maudlin career is no exception. tracyanne campbell's vocals are characteristically pristine and dripping with sorrow, but the track is buoyed by a fluttering piano line and a shimmering, spector-esque wall of sound. the band have left the comfort of one indie stalwart (merge records) for another (4ad), but the track leaves no doubt that my maudlin career, out april 21st, finds the band still on top of their game.
all songs posted are for evaluation only. if you hear something you like and would like to hear more, please go ahead and support the artists by buying their music--i will always include links for you to do so. copyright holders: if anything on my site needs to be taken down, please email me and it will be removed immediately.
david gray : "be mine"
